Hi Mary,

           I lost my Mam at the end of April, she was advised early February chemo would help her make it to her 80th birthday in June. After two bouts of  the mildest form  of chemo

in which she got terribly poorly, she was told her initial lung cancer had spread to her bones and brain, and there was nothing else they could do for her..Myself and my brothers are adamnant If we knew then what we know now we would have advised her not to have the chemo.I think it takes a great deal of courage to make such a decision, you are so very brave. Don't lose hope, I hope fortune really does smile on the Brave! God bless.

Hi Mary,

I think it's not about being brave or foolish, this is a stereotyped speech that society has created.it i s a very very complicated decision and put in these terms, any choice can be foolish or brave.
I also refused the chemo, which also went through a platine regime.I height pondered much and suffered much but had plenty for me to decide not to do. 9 months passed and I am now waiting for a biopsy... I'm probably relapsing.this time i will not consider, above all I always thought about having quality of life but unfortunately I have seen that life is not nothing that I want for me . I'm too young and do not want to die, is the only sure I have.when I refused I promised to me that I would give me a chance if I relapse. but do not you see yourself as foolish or brave ... unfortunately chemo is very painful but not guaranteed ... so who knows whether or not to do, is not the same thing? there are success stories about people who did not or people who did. it's just the only answer-  now -  for conventional medicine.

accept your decision and do not feel guilty...because you aren´t.

kiss,

Sofia

My wife went thru the chemo, two types at the same time as well as radiation.  She finished treatment in may a sond is expected to die any day. So, I think you may have made the best decision.  I wish we had refused treatment and just enjoyed the time without the side    effects of the treatment.  I say good for you!

On the flip side to all this........

I had chemo for my particular cancer...yes, it was rough at times, but ultimately ''do-able''.

as a result i have been in remission for 5 yrs and now have 2 more gorgeous daughters.

I'm not knocking your decision. - more just making a point to others that are newly diagnosed, that some chemo is easier to cope with and not to be put off.

Good luck with your fight.

My husband has been on and off chemo (no surgery) since February 2010.  To begin with he agreed to try the all treatments offered and they were effective I guess - the Dr told him recently that without chemo his life expectancy at diagnosis was less than 6 months.  However, now he reconsiders before every infusion. There is no hard and fast answer as any patient who is offered chemo is an individual both physically - in that some frankly are more seriously affected than others - and emotionally, in terms of how they handle the side effects the treatment throws at them.  Although I have known people with cancer whose decisions I thought were foolish (that includes people who refused treatment as well as people who pursued every treatment available) I certainly would never have told them what I thought: if you make a considered decision and are happy with it that is what is right for you.

I would say you are neither brave nor foolish but honest, frank, and realistic. I have little time for those who speak as if one route or the other (I mean chemo or no chemo) is best for everyone.

Good luck

Hi Mary.

I'm not in a position to answer as to brave or foolish in your decision. I'm a carer rather than someone who has experienced cancer.

I've seen my wife through awful investigation treatments, two operations and a round of chemotherapy. The doctors describe her as "cured" but they actually mean "in remission"

I'm pleased for her. I'm pleased for myself. If the circumstances were reversed and I had to face what she's been through ....I wouldn't. It's stronger than that, I couldn't.

Janet was very brave to go through what she went through. I couldn't be that brave.

I think you are very brave to face what is likely to happen to you.I see it as not at all foolish.

It is, of course, your choice. Anybody who has to face cancer is brave whether they want to be or not. Any choice made by somebody with cancer is a brave choice.

I hope you will be given palliative care  to make your own brave choice less unbearable.

Russ

I've come off the oxi stuff after 5 infusions - still on herceptin & xeloda (5fu). Left me with numb fingers & feet ... and up to an additional 6 months - just about worth it but wouldn't have wanted any stronger side effects (incuded arthitis scares, severe sensitivity to cold etc). I couldn'tbe critical of anybody refusing.  Hope you find some other treatment to try .. I've gone vegan & juicing to help cope with the chemo (it's been a great help) and would up the ante even more in that direction if I stopped chemo.

There have been some wise and kind words in this thread and I really just wanted to emphasise what imabloke said for new patients and carers...there are lots of different chemotherapy drugs, many combinations and treatment regimes and even more sorts of cancer than you can probably begin to imagine... but all of those numbers are nothing when compared to vast varieties of human beings there are! Do not ever base your expectations or decisions on what you hear or read or see happening to other people. That would make as much sense as choosing whether to have a child after seeing a photo and school report of someone else's!

It's great that we can share our experiences and offer advice but they're not Which? guides... We are all test driving a unique product called our own lives, and all on a very individual journey...

Angelinthemaking